My buddy, Nikhil, got dumped last week. He'd been with the girl for at least six months now. With all the constant fights, arguements and all, it was like they were a pissed off old couple who never got the 50th wedding anniversary party they never deserved.
He had not talked to people in the last 7 days.
"I love her, bro." he had said. Bullshit.
There's a difference between love and infatuation. You can't force someone to love you. Corollary - You can't force yourself to love someone. And let's face it, guys my age do not know what true love is. We're just infatuated because that is what happens at this age. I completely understand because I've been with enough women to know what I'm talking about. Someday, I'll be in love too. Someday, the violins will play. Someday.
4pm. BMS College of Engineering, Basavangudi, Bangalore.
I've always been the worst at consoling people. And it was extremely weird to see Nikhil crying in front of me.
"Dude, it's okay., I said, "These things happen."
"She was my everything!", he continued.
"Quit crying! You'll find someone else. Someone better."
He nodded. He didn't know what to say.
"Tell you what, let's go partying tonight! You've got the world's second best wing-man, aye?" I smiled.
Nikhil hugged me. After brief seconds of our brotherly love, I realised the gayness and pushed him away.
"Thanks a lot, bro!", he started smiling.
"Now take off your frock and end this little kitty party, let's go.", I said.
"Asshole. Where to?"
"The best way to get over your ex is to get under your next. An elderly woman on facebook taught me well.", I winked.
"You're mental, you know that?", he said, getting into the car.
8pm. Amnesia, The Chancery Pavilion, Residency Road, Bangalore.
I drove up to the hotel entrance and came to a stop when I saw the long moustache greeter. I waited for valet parking as he came up to us, smiled and said, "For parking, go straight and turn left, sir." Damn it. At least he said Sir.
We walked in to Amnesia, a pool-side party place in central Bangalore and saw a sea of women. Well there were quite a few fellas too but there were women! Nikhil wore a black sweatshirt and one of those funny looking trousers as he waited for the evening to change his life. I wore jeans with my "Hand over the chocolate and nobody gets hurt" T shirt. This night was important for me too. I hadn't had a date since Wednesday.
We struggled to make it to the bar counter as Nikhil blamed it on India's population explosion problem. "Tuborg, please", he said as I got myself a glass of Sprite. Yeah, I don't drink.
"Okay, so what's the plan?", he asked as the DJ played "Save the World" by Swedish House Mafia. I've always loved that one. Have you seen the dogs in the music video? They're so cute.
"Follow my lead", I announced as I scanned various sections of girls.
We started moving towards the pool when I accidentally collided with a girl.
"I'm so sorry", I apologised.
"Hey, it's okay", she smiled, "I'm Divya."
"Aditya.", I said as I observed she had abnormally large mammary glands. I'm not saying they were big, they were gigantic! I wanted to gift her a "Weapons of Mass Destruction" T shirt.
"Uh. This is Nikhil", I said pointing my finger towards him. "Hi Nikhil. Anyway, Aditya, what's up?", she said as she made him look like my minion.
"I'm good. How are you?", I asked. She looked like she would molest me any moment. Not that I would realise what was going on when I would be trampled upon by the massive twins.
"I'm great. You wanna hang out?", she grinned, "Nice T shirt".
"Thank you. Actually I've to go meet my friends now. But, I will see you later. Divya, right?", I started walking away.
"Dude, what the hell?", Nikhil laughed, "How big were those?"
"Shut up man!"
"Seriously! I wonder why she even bothered to use her hands to hold her drink, dude. She could just use...",
"I got it!",I interrupted his joke, "Do you want to talk to girls or not?"
"Of course! That is why we came here, remember?", he said.
"So work with me here", I said as I showed him different girls like a frikkin' wedding broker. We used the 6o clock, 3 o clock method.
He refused each and every girl dismissing them saying they were 5s, 6s or 7s.
"Dude, I'm a 7! So, I should get at least a 9!", he argued.
"Whoa! You're a 7? What am I?"
"You're an 8. Probably a 9." He was being nice today?
"Screw you, man.", I said as I turned to watch the water.
"There.", I said as I saw two gorgeous women standing by the pool. They wore beautiful dresses and stood there clutching their drinks in one hand and the world's smallest purses in the other, giggling away to glory. I really do not understand what one could possibly carry in those things.
"Ah, they're pretty", he said.
"Yeah, come on."
So, we walked up to them. "Hi! How's it going? I'm Aditya.", I smiled, extending my hand.
The one standing nearer to me shook my hand. "Hi! I'm Pooja! And this is Naina", she introduced her lovely friend. Naina waved at me and I waved back. "I'm Nikhil", he said as he shook Naina's hand.
Yes. In my experience, I can honestly say that "Hi" is the best pick-up line in the world. So, "Hey, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart" and "Is your Dad a terrorist because you are a bomb" can kiss my ass.
We occupied a pool-side table, the four of us. Nikhil spilled his drink on his shirt and Naina found it oddly cute. I think she liked him. She talked so much. But then again, all women do.
"So, Pooja. What do you do?", I asked as I didn't want to bother Naina. Finally, a girl was talking to my buddy.
"I study B.com at Christ University", she said as she played with her wavy hair, "What about you?"
"Electronics engineering. BMS.", I said.
"Ooooh, nice!", she touched my hand. Whoa.
We spent an hour talking. I made the girls laugh when they would take breaks from their non stop talking and Nikhil managed to hang in too.
The night was going great. We got up to have dinner. I helped Pooja up from her chair as we moved towards the buffet. Nikhil tried to do the same and in the process, he accidentally knocked her into the swimming pool. I stood there with Pooja and 50 other people, looking at Nikhil. The look on his face was bloody priceless! He stood there shocked as poor Naina wiggled about in the pool before finally emerging out dripping wet!
Needless to say, she was super pissed as she stomped Nikhil's foot with her heels and scurried away as fast as she could. "Aaah!", he screamed as people continued laughing their balls off.
Pooja realised her friend needed her and followed Naina. "Call me later?", she said as she left.
"Sure", I said as I hit Nikhil on the head. I couldn't stop laughing either.
"Well, that went well.", he complained as we got into the car.
"Chill, bro", I said driving off into the night, "It's not like they're going to stop making girls."
He had not talked to people in the last 7 days.
"I love her, bro." he had said. Bullshit.
There's a difference between love and infatuation. You can't force someone to love you. Corollary - You can't force yourself to love someone. And let's face it, guys my age do not know what true love is. We're just infatuated because that is what happens at this age. I completely understand because I've been with enough women to know what I'm talking about. Someday, I'll be in love too. Someday, the violins will play. Someday.
4pm. BMS College of Engineering, Basavangudi, Bangalore.
I've always been the worst at consoling people. And it was extremely weird to see Nikhil crying in front of me.
"Dude, it's okay., I said, "These things happen."
"She was my everything!", he continued.
"Quit crying! You'll find someone else. Someone better."
He nodded. He didn't know what to say.
"Tell you what, let's go partying tonight! You've got the world's second best wing-man, aye?" I smiled.
Nikhil hugged me. After brief seconds of our brotherly love, I realised the gayness and pushed him away.
"Thanks a lot, bro!", he started smiling.
"Now take off your frock and end this little kitty party, let's go.", I said.
"Asshole. Where to?"
"The best way to get over your ex is to get under your next. An elderly woman on facebook taught me well.", I winked.
"You're mental, you know that?", he said, getting into the car.
8pm. Amnesia, The Chancery Pavilion, Residency Road, Bangalore.
I drove up to the hotel entrance and came to a stop when I saw the long moustache greeter. I waited for valet parking as he came up to us, smiled and said, "For parking, go straight and turn left, sir." Damn it. At least he said Sir.
We walked in to Amnesia, a pool-side party place in central Bangalore and saw a sea of women. Well there were quite a few fellas too but there were women! Nikhil wore a black sweatshirt and one of those funny looking trousers as he waited for the evening to change his life. I wore jeans with my "Hand over the chocolate and nobody gets hurt" T shirt. This night was important for me too. I hadn't had a date since Wednesday.
We struggled to make it to the bar counter as Nikhil blamed it on India's population explosion problem. "Tuborg, please", he said as I got myself a glass of Sprite. Yeah, I don't drink.
"Okay, so what's the plan?", he asked as the DJ played "Save the World" by Swedish House Mafia. I've always loved that one. Have you seen the dogs in the music video? They're so cute.
"Follow my lead", I announced as I scanned various sections of girls.
We started moving towards the pool when I accidentally collided with a girl.
"I'm so sorry", I apologised.
"Hey, it's okay", she smiled, "I'm Divya."
"Aditya.", I said as I observed she had abnormally large mammary glands. I'm not saying they were big, they were gigantic! I wanted to gift her a "Weapons of Mass Destruction" T shirt.
"Uh. This is Nikhil", I said pointing my finger towards him. "Hi Nikhil. Anyway, Aditya, what's up?", she said as she made him look like my minion.
"I'm good. How are you?", I asked. She looked like she would molest me any moment. Not that I would realise what was going on when I would be trampled upon by the massive twins.
"I'm great. You wanna hang out?", she grinned, "Nice T shirt".
"Thank you. Actually I've to go meet my friends now. But, I will see you later. Divya, right?", I started walking away.
"Dude, what the hell?", Nikhil laughed, "How big were those?"
"Shut up man!"
"Seriously! I wonder why she even bothered to use her hands to hold her drink, dude. She could just use...",
"I got it!",I interrupted his joke, "Do you want to talk to girls or not?"
"Of course! That is why we came here, remember?", he said.
"So work with me here", I said as I showed him different girls like a frikkin' wedding broker. We used the 6o clock, 3 o clock method.
He refused each and every girl dismissing them saying they were 5s, 6s or 7s.
"Dude, I'm a 7! So, I should get at least a 9!", he argued.
"Whoa! You're a 7? What am I?"
"You're an 8. Probably a 9." He was being nice today?
"Screw you, man.", I said as I turned to watch the water.
"There.", I said as I saw two gorgeous women standing by the pool. They wore beautiful dresses and stood there clutching their drinks in one hand and the world's smallest purses in the other, giggling away to glory. I really do not understand what one could possibly carry in those things.
"Ah, they're pretty", he said.
"Yeah, come on."
So, we walked up to them. "Hi! How's it going? I'm Aditya.", I smiled, extending my hand.
The one standing nearer to me shook my hand. "Hi! I'm Pooja! And this is Naina", she introduced her lovely friend. Naina waved at me and I waved back. "I'm Nikhil", he said as he shook Naina's hand.
Yes. In my experience, I can honestly say that "Hi" is the best pick-up line in the world. So, "Hey, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart" and "Is your Dad a terrorist because you are a bomb" can kiss my ass.
We occupied a pool-side table, the four of us. Nikhil spilled his drink on his shirt and Naina found it oddly cute. I think she liked him. She talked so much. But then again, all women do.
"So, Pooja. What do you do?", I asked as I didn't want to bother Naina. Finally, a girl was talking to my buddy.
"I study B.com at Christ University", she said as she played with her wavy hair, "What about you?"
"Electronics engineering. BMS.", I said.
"Ooooh, nice!", she touched my hand. Whoa.
We spent an hour talking. I made the girls laugh when they would take breaks from their non stop talking and Nikhil managed to hang in too.
The night was going great. We got up to have dinner. I helped Pooja up from her chair as we moved towards the buffet. Nikhil tried to do the same and in the process, he accidentally knocked her into the swimming pool. I stood there with Pooja and 50 other people, looking at Nikhil. The look on his face was bloody priceless! He stood there shocked as poor Naina wiggled about in the pool before finally emerging out dripping wet!
Needless to say, she was super pissed as she stomped Nikhil's foot with her heels and scurried away as fast as she could. "Aaah!", he screamed as people continued laughing their balls off.
Pooja realised her friend needed her and followed Naina. "Call me later?", she said as she left.
"Sure", I said as I hit Nikhil on the head. I couldn't stop laughing either.
"Well, that went well.", he complained as we got into the car.
"Chill, bro", I said driving off into the night, "It's not like they're going to stop making girls."
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