My First Phone!

The year was 2007. I was a 15 year old wee boy.

Personally, I loved this period of time. I had just finished my 9th grade. I recall I had secured an 80% or whatever. Doesn't matter, I passed.

I had a solid three months of summer vacations before the highly over-rated 10th grade begun.

"Maybe, I should find a dodo bird, paint a continent or drive my sister insane", I thought to myself.

Three months is a lot of time to waste. It doesn't help when you are the only one amongst your friends without a phone, either. Have you seen those snobby six year olds with cellphones these days? Who are they going to call? Popeye?

I begged my parents for a phone, day in and day out. "You should be ashamed! You got 80% and you want a phone?", they said. I hung my head low. Not that I was ashamed or anything, it's what you do when someone is screwing you.

Yes, as far as Indian parents are concerned,  if you've scored anything under 95%, you should just go f*ck yourself, you dipshit.

I made my grandpa talk to my parents. He's a rockstar, a 5 year old trapped in a 73 year old body. 

Grandpa sat infront of my parents and I stood infront of them. I'm a reasonable person, so I explained.

1. A phone is a necessity in today's competitive world, not a luxury. 

2. Avoids un-necessary tension concerning the whereabouts of your child.

3. Preferably a GPS phone. Your dear boy won't get lost on his way to school, a temple of learning.

4. A mobile phone has games on it. This feature enables your child to take breaks from marathon study sessions, thus, improving examination results.

5. A cellular phone also has features like clock and stopwatch. This way, your dear boy can plan and schedule his study sessions better.

6. All my friends have cellphones. So, please! (Only valid point)

My flawless presentation worked, along with a little help from Gramps. So, the following weekend, I was off to buy my first phone ever!

Budget was six thousand bucks. So, I guess features like Wifi, 10 MP camera and other cool shit were out of question. I had done my research.

I couldn't hold in my excitement as we entered "UniverCell - The Mobile Expert", a mobile store that claimed they had it all. I saw Madhavan, the 3 Idiots actor, on their advert board. He had a swanky new phone in his hand and a huge grin on his face. "I'm going to have one of those when I get out of there", I smiled back at him as I went inside.

"Hello, welcome to UniverCell.", the sales guy greeted us. 

"Yes, we would like to buy a phone.", Dad said.

A phone? At UniverCell? Really?

"Do you have any phone in mind, sir?"

"Cheap and best", Mom declared, bluntly.

"Would you like to see the Nokia 1100, madam?", he said looking disappointed.

What the f*ck!

"Mom, no! Come on, it's black and white, no, please!", I did not want a frikkin 1100!

I bet the guy thought, "Don't do this to him, or us."

"Okay, what do you want?", Mom sounded irritated, "You never listen to me, anyway."

"Can I see the W890? Ericsson."

"What all does it have?", Mom butted in.

The sales guy explained as Mom nodded once in three seconds. She didn't understand a word, though. Both my parents are specialist doctors, but when it comes to technology and stuff, they do not get it for nuts!

"So, Dad?", I asked.

"I don't know, see other ones also."

"Could I see the Nokia 5310 Xpress Music?"

It was clear to me that it was the best phone I could have, you know, with my budget. I duly switched over to pleading mode.

"Mom, please? Dad, please?", I pleaded.

After making the guy explain the specifications and warranty terms repeatedly, my parents exchanged glances and agreed. Anyhoo, we could not leave the store before getting what all Indians get. Yes, discount.

Mom, an expert at converting a "Fixed rate" statement into an "Okay, 15%" statement in under five minutes, took over. She got a mad 20% discount on my phone using her sublime skills which included statements like "We have bought all our phones here. So, you should give us a discount on this one" and "Okay, come Adi. Let's go to another store (followed by a sigh)". Yes, all Indian aunties are adept at this. 

We Indians do not find it unreasonable because, come on, we are cheap. It's in our blood to be cheap. I know you are cheap. Hell, you know you are cheap! I'm cheap too. I'm just shy to ask for a discount, though.

Anyway, screw it. My first phone, a Nokia 5310 Xpress Music! I had it! Finally! Wooohooo! 

"Wait till my friends see this", I thought to myself. Yeah, 'cause that's the bubble we live in.

I got into the backseat of our car. "This is bloody brilliant!", I declared.

"Hey, watch your mouth! Already started messaging your friends, ah?", Mom asked.

"Sure thing, mom.", I said, "Without a sim card?"